Monday, March 06, 2006

*WARNING* NOT FOR WEAK STOMACHS


*WARNING* NOT FOR WEAK STOMACHS

The morning after the kids got home from Poppy and Tata's was relatively quiet. The kids were exhausted from a weekend of chasing Luther around the house, and they slept late.

Mom told us that while Julian was there, he had found an old dog turd of Luther's and tasted it. He followed the lick of the turd with a "blech. BLECH." and Mom scrubbed his mouth furiously with soap and water. Which brought more "BLECH's".

I'm assuming Julian was curious by the house training process that Luther's going through. Maybe he's ready to potty train himself.
Whatever it is, it didn't prepare us for what was to follow.

I called Dustin around 11:30 to check in, and see how the babies were. His voice was low and sounded disturbed.
"Julian played with his poop", he said.
Well, it's only natural. He's been curious for some time, I thought.
Dustin said, "No. It's everywhere. I don't know where to start. They are in the bathtub. There is poop everywhere." He hung up the phone shortly after, obviously not in the mood for small talk.

Dustin cleaned from about 12 noon until 9pm that night. When I got home from work, I scooped up the kids and headed to Braum's. We then went to Wal-Mart to pick up a movie and some new shoes for Bella.

Dustin said the weirdest part was that Bella didn't say anything. Apparently Dustin had nodded off on the couch and about 30 minutes after Julian began painting the house with poo, he woke up from the smell. Normally, Bella would have woken Dustin up with shrieks of "JUJU'S GOT POOPOO!!!! DADDY CHANGE HIM!!!" But this time, nothing.

And the areas that were smeared with poo, were areas that Julian used to play at a lot, but no longer visit. Like the window in the living room, and the coffee table. Which leads me to believe that Julian may have been planning this for some time.

When Dustin tried to discipline Julian, he just smiled. Not embarrassed. Not upset. Just smiled. Like he had crossed one more thing off of his "To do before I lose my baby-ish charm" list.

When I came home, it was all cleaned up. The floors were a little damp from the steam cleaning that Dustin gave them. Every surface sparkled. My house smelled like bleach, which i secretly love. And Dustin proudly pointed to 5 freshly washed loads of laundry on the couch.

I said, "If this is what it took to get you to do laundry, I would have crapped all over the house 5 years ago."






******
Yo yo. Juju here. I got a funny story for you.

I've been planning this for a while now. Since I was about 20 months old. I used to hang out at my window and dream of the day that Daddy would nod off, so I could play with this sticky brown stuff in my Lion King diapers.

The day came. Daddy was pretty tired, and fell asleep on the couch while me and sis were watching Bob the Builder. I gave Bella a threatening look and told her to keep quiet, or she would be my first victim.

She nodded, obediently and kept watching her show.

I knew my time was limited, so I loosened up my diaper (so I could fill it to capacity) and let go of 2 days of stored up poo. I was working with a full diaper. My first stop was my old window, where I had planned my adventure months before. I wiped my dirty hand from one end of the window to the other. Then I let my hand guide me around the living room, hitting the coffee table, the desk, Daddy's guitar, Mommy's chair, the carpet, and whatever dropped on the floor between there and my room.

I got bored of poo play shortly after covering Bella's bed in the stuff, and started playing with my toys instead.

Bella did good and didn't utter a word to Daddy. But the smell must have gave me away, because he woke up and said, "Juju, you are stinky. Let's change your diaper." You shoulda seen the look on his face when I reached up to him with my brown poo covered hands. He sobbed like a baby.

The next thing I know, I spend an hour in the bathtub, and the rest of the night in Mommy and Daddy's bed watching cartoons. Can you believe that? Hours and hours of TV and baths, two of my favorite things. Then Mama came home and took us to get french fries and ice cream, two more of my favorite things.

It was the best day of my life.

The only weird part, is that Mama bought me big boy undies, Nemo ones. She made me wear them for a few minutes, and Daddy made me sit on my big boy potty lots of times. They kept saying I was a big boy, which kind of freaked me out. Then they got rid of my baby bed and put me in a big boy bed. How does poo play equate to being a big boy? I haven't figured that one out yet. Until next time...

peace out, yo.
Juju

4 Comments:

At 3/07/2006 4:40 PM, Blogger mimi said...

Mindi, this is just the cutest story I ever read. Yours is hilarious, but Julians's is just precious! You hang on to these, ya hear? Of course, I know you wrote them for that purpose. I am happy to get be able to get in on the action too. I laughed out loud at the last sentence in yours and at Dustin sobbing like a baby in Julian's. I also loved Julian's final line. yo.
Love you all lots.
Mimi

 
At 3/07/2006 7:08 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Mindi~*
Wow! And to think I was grossed out by my DOG eating his own poop! These stories are hilarious though...probably not funny in those moments of cleaning it all up...but to look back on it...definitely hysterical! Hopefully he got that all out of his system and won't do it again! :)

 
At 3/07/2006 10:15 PM, Blogger Valerie Dykstra said...

Poor Dustin, I can see him sobbing. I would have sobbed too. Actually it happened to me too once, and I did sob and since I was pregnant too, I puked and sobbed, puked and sobbed.

That Juju is a charmer. And such a writer.

 
At 3/08/2006 12:25 AM, Blogger mindi11 said...

Hi Mimi! I'm glad you were able to laugh at our misery, it means a lot :-) Seriously though, it was pretty funny (but only because I wasn't there for the bad parts) I hope I'll see you this weekend at Amy's shower!

Jamie, I was totally thinking of you and your sweet dog. I hope Ryder gets it out of his system too!

Valerie, I am a horrible wife in this area. I told Dustin that the difference between us is that I would have seen the poop, gathered up the kids and moved to a new apartment. The landlords can keep their "cleaning deposit", because they would need it.

Dustin sees the poop and thinks, "how can I clean this in the most obsessive compulsive way possible?"

One time when I was pregnant, Annabelle pooped in the bathtub. I shut the bathroom door, used the guest bathroom all day, and asked Dustin to clean it up when he got home. I am a terrible person. And he is wonderful, because he didn't even question why it had been sitting in the tub for 12 hours.

 

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